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I watched the movie Stardust last week and fell in love; what a quirky and perfectly lovely show (minus the un-shown pre-marital sex). While the fallen star was explaining to the man-mouse what she knew about love and then confessing her love for him, she said that love can be easily mistaken for loathing. Many times when depressed we can mistake others' efforts to show their love, concern, and support for us as judgement and loathing.
We ruminate on others' perception and treatment of us and wish we could do something about it or that they would love us for who we are. The truth is that some have no empathy and think that mind over matter is enough and people who are depressed are just weak minded. While mind over matter helps, it does not take away the whole problem. You can't just tell your cancer to go away, but positive thinking does help you, almost magically sometimes, to get well. The same goes for depression.
If we think positively about the people we want to love us then, when we are depressed it is easier to see others' actions for what they are: loving attempts to help us.
A deeper problem arises when people do not try to help us out of love. They react in anger or guilt, and that always produces the opposite effect desired. Getting angry at us because we do not do what you expect of us will not ever help. Guilt tripping will only make us hide further and wallow more deeply in our self loathing.
The solution: Charity never faileth. Love is always the answer for both sides. No matter the action, if it is motivated by love, it will be the right one. Holding on to that love when things do not go as well as either party wishes is the best thing for everyone. Hard to do, yes, but possible and practice makes perfect. Good luck with the positive thinking and holding onto that love.
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